Thursday, May 31, 2007

First Day vs. Last Day

My how they change...

First Day of School

Today, Last Day of School

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pool Girl

It turns out being Pool Girl is not as cool as it sounds. I was asked to be Pool Boy’s assistant for an evening and much to his excitement, I shipped off the kids and went along.

First, we had to break into the pool area by taking the hinges out of the gate and taking out the door. Now tell me this doesn’t look suspicious? I think the fact that I was pulling a power washer behind me and carrying a huge scrub brush kept us from getting arrested.

Dispatcher: “911. What is your emergency?”

Neighbor: “Yeah, I think these two people are breaking into our neighbor’s house. It appears they are going to wash the hell out of it.”

I helped take the tarp off and got a whiff of liquified worms. There’s nothing better than reaching your hand into the basket to clean out the leaves, or what you think are leaves, and pulling out all kinds of squirmy animal bodies that were no longer alive…and hadn’t been for some time I’m guessing.

I did the easy role of vacuuming while Pool Boy did the hard work of visiting with the neighbors. I power washed the tarp while Pool Boy talked on his cell phone. I hauled all the stuff to and from the garage while Pool Boy ate the treats the neighbor kids brought over to him. I scrubbed the steps while Pool Boy hosed down the deck. I hauled everything back to the truck while he looked everything over just to make sure it was oky doky.

Pool Boy thought we worked pretty well as a team. He wants me to come along on the next pool opening. I’m pretty sure I’ll have something else going on that night, whenever it is.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Cute vs. Ugly

Today, students, we will learn the difference between cute and ugly. See exhibits below:







Paybacks are so much fun. Truce?

FARKing Awesome!

I love me some CNN, MSNBC, People, whatever news you’ve got. Don’t bother telling me about something you read in the news because chances are I already know it. So I am truly fascinated with the best news site of all, FARK.

FARK offers all the news any normal person needs to know. Here are some tidbits from today’s headlines, with links back to the original news stories.

Reagan's newly-released diary says "getting shot hurts". Coming soon, from Bill Clinton's memoirs: "getting blown kicks ass"

DNA testing is usually a pretty good way to identify your babydaddy, except when the babymamma fornicated with identical twins hours apart.

Mother sues coach after child injures himself sliding into second base. Child says he felt beckoned.

Get more FARK here!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

More of Me Meme

Since I don't have time to think up a creative post of my own, I ripped this off from someone else.

Favorite kind of cereal: I like Sugar Smacks, but I usually eat Wheaties.

What animal or insect disgusts you the most? spider

What do you need more of right now? Money, duh. I could use more socks, too.

What is the hardest thing for you to do? Follow a diet and exercise program

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30 minutes

What are you thankful you're not doing now? Sitting in jail, I suppose

What is your favorite drink? I love heavy Mt. Dew from a fountain pop machine. But I usually drink Diet Dew. Other than that, I’ll take a Smirnoff. Or Bud Light, whatever you have on hand.

Favorite way to eat potatoes? Any ole way!

If you could be a character in any novel, who would you be? I don’t read many novels, so I’m drawing a blank.

Favorite ice cream toppings: hot fudge, marshmallow, chocolate

Where do you want to spend the rest of your life? Travelling among my vacation homes, while keeping my base home in my current hometown.

What do you bring most to a friendship? You’ll always have a friend taller than you. But actually, I’m not all that tall. I just have short friends, apparently.

On a scale of 1-10, how hip are you? Hopefully I’m closer to 10 than 1.

What kind of music makes you want to get up and sing? 80s! That’s stuff you can sing to.

What are you an expert in? I’m an expert in over-researching topics I’m interested in until I’ve got a whole bookshelf full of books and an iPod full of podcasts. Yeah, Chili, I’ve got an iPod but I’m listening to a podcast about mortgages rather than “Girlfriend”!

What have you tried and simply were not good at? A variety of sports. I’m not athletic, but I do know enough to guide my kids. I know the lingo, just don’t have skills.

Favorite movie lines?
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
The ratio of people to cake is too big.
Friends – what movie are these from??

What is your most annoying habit? I can’t stop checking email. I’m an addict. Now if someone will just send me something good one of these days, it will totally pay off.

If fat, calories, etc. weren't an issue, what food would you feast on? homemade bread, mashed potatoes either dripping in butter or with homemade fried chicken gravy.

How much can you bench press? Not much.

What fictional character would you like to meet? Cheese from Foster’s Home of Imaginary Friends

What is the ultimate vacation? A secluded home that opens up to the beach, where I can sit on the beach and watch the ocean. Pool Boy and the boys would be with me, but nobody would complain about being bored, hungry, hot, etc.

What cosmetic surgery would you like? Tummy tuck!

What is the last movie that made your eyes tear up? I don’t cry that often.

What super-power would you like? The ability to snap my fingers and have my house be clean and laundry folded and put away.

What would you change about your appearance? I’d be shorter. HA HA HA. JUST KIDDING! I’d hate to be short!

Would you rather be smart, rich, or beautiful? I’d pick smart. Because if I was smart, I could figure out how to be rich and beautiful.

If you named your home, what would you name it? Master of Disaster

What room do you want to add to your home? A master bedroom that has a reading room and opens up to the pool.

What advice would you give to the President? I wouldn’t give him any advice. He’s doing a fine job of making sure our next President will be a Democrat.

What character attribute do you admire most? Good work ethic. I hate people who are lazy, sneaky and try to get away with the bare minimum of work. Which brings me to my favorite cartoon that I have taped on my monitor:
Dilbert: I don’t mean to frighten you, but you’ll have to do some actual work.
Co-worker: That’s crazy talk.

Where do you usually buy your clothes? Gap and Maurices

What is the nicest thing you have ever bought somebody? I bought Pool Boy a remote start for his truck and had it installed as a surprise. I hate to see him cold in mornings. Awwwww.

How would you spend $1000? I’d invest it.

What do you want to change about your life? I wish I was more organized and I lived in a spotless house.

What would you like to accomplish this year? I have a list, but like I’m going to share that with you.

What book has had the greatest impact on your life? All of my personal development books.

What quote has had the greatest impact on your life? Don’t take anyone else’s definition of success as your own.

What do you do everyday? Get online

What food do you refuse to eat? Seafood. It belongs in the sea.

What is the best purchase you have made? My house. I bought it for a ridiculously low amount of money, but at the time it seemed like a ridiculously high amount of money. We once had someone offer us $120,000 more than we paid for it and we declined. Crazy? Maybe.

What one word describes your life? BUSY

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I'm Not Dead

Just in case you were wondering where I've been.

Here is what I've been doing instead of blogging:

  • laundry
  • soccer
  • baseball
  • working on websites
  • cleaning up the shit in my yard landscaping
  • dishes
  • cleaning
  • working
  • doling out money to my kids
  • Pool Boy's gopher for various pool-related items
  • reading blogs, but not commenting very often. Sorry 'bout that.
  • meetings

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Sweet Mother of Money

So you didn’t jump on the AENS train, eh? Yes, it looked bleak for the ethanol company for awhile. But I’ve made $300.00 in the past two days on my stocks. Better jump on the caboose before you are too late!

Serious Sheena

Did you wake up this morning and think to yourself, “I wonder what happened to Sheena Easton?” Weird, so did I.

And what the hell was up with that serious rocker look?

So that got me thinking about one hit wonders. I don’t know why, since she was not a one hit wonder, but whatever. It’s my blog and I can do what I want.

Here are a few one hit wonders that we ALL know the words to.

Love Hurts

Always Something There to Remind Me
Naked Eyes

Radar Love
Golden Earring

Electric Avenue
Eddy Grant

(I Just) Died in your Arms
Cutting Crew

So tell me, blog friends. What one-hit wonder do you know all the words to? And yes, Jack Wagner totally counts as a one-hit wonder.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Mental Health Month

May is Mental Health Month. I encourage you to visit Chili’s blog for her excellent post on this subject.

I'm an Aunt - Again!

Abigail Erin

May 6, 2007

Congrats, J and E!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Spotlight Sunday

It doesn’t matter if you are brand new to blogging or have been blogging for years. You will learn something by visiting this site! Chilihead and Shannon post everything there is to know about blogging and they are continually adding to their database every day. And the best part is, they remember back to when they were beginning bloggers so they post about every little thing. No question is too stupid!!

Check out other Sunday Spotlights here!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Ten Interesting Things

Toni tagged me for this. I'm supposed to tag 10 others, but I'll just let you play along if you want.

10 Interesting Things About Me

1. I hate being dressed up. I own one dress, one skirt/jacket combo and lots of sweats.

2. I have super-strong and fast growing fingernails so I never need to have fake nails like And I didn’t have these nails, I doubt I would do it anyway. I like to dig around in the dirt too much.

3. I am addicted to Diet Mt. Dew. My doctor has advised me to quit drinking it so I would feel better, but then I decided that if I didn’t drink caffeine then I would no longer be married or have any friends. Wasn’t worth it.

4. My lips get chapped very easily, so I always have to have lipstick or lip balm with me.

5. I’m never happy with my hairstyle.

6. I hate my glasses, but I hate my contacts more.

7. My house is very rarely spotless. I’m always cleaning, but it is never clean.

8. I don’t balance my checkbook.

9. I can’t follow a budget. But I have learned to control my spending more.

10. My nose runs constantly…CONSTANTLY. I always have a box of kleenex with me. I keep a box in every room in my house.

Sorry. Those were supposed to be interesting. And these 10 items are not interesting in the least.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Phone Call

So here's the strangest phone call I've received this week.

Pool Boy: "Hey, my jacket just flew out of the school bus window out on the highway. Can you go get it?"

Me: "I guess..."

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Junk Stand

**Here's some information about this letter. For our baseball league, if a parent is unwilling to volunteer their time to help in the concession stand, they are charged $20.00 so the city can pay to hire someone to work for the night.

Dear Crazy Lady -

First you showed up late for practice. Then you mouthed off to Pool Boy and his assistant coach in front of the whole team of kids. Pool Boy was very impressed the way you chucked that check at him at practice last night.

You yelled, "Here are my boys. And here is the check that is totally ridiculous and unnecessary! The main reason we came to play ball here is because (the town they live in) has this same policy. And now you are doing it to me here!" The memo line on the check said, "unnecessary money for the junk stand."

So I have some questions for you.

1. Did you really force your kids to play on teams in a different town over a stupid concession stand policy? Don't you think they probably want to play with their friends?

2. Who the hell SHOULD work in the concession stand then?

3. Without the concession stand, how would we have enough money to have a baseball and softball league?

4. What will your kids think of you when they get older and realize what an idiot they have for a mother?

5. Do you know how awesome I think it is that you had to pay $40.00 because you have two players on the team? That rocks.

We'll take your money for the concession stand. But you better sure as hell never get thirsty when you are sitting out at a ballgame. Especially if I'm working in the concession stand that night.

Play Ball,

We Cannot Be Bought

With the roles we play in our community as a city councilperson (Pool Boy) and school board member (me), we hear our share of strange comments.

Last week we had a lot of rain. One citizen is extremely upset that he got water in his basement. He complained to the city employee who works with the sewer system, and the employee politely explained that he knew people had water in their basements and they city is always working hard to prevent things like that from happening. His response was this: I HAVE DONATED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO THIS SCHOOL DISTRICT SO I DESERVE TO HAVE MY ISSUES ADDRESSED BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE’S.

Hear you loud and clear, dude, but not understanding your rationale. And if you think you are buying some “Mr. Important” certificate or something with your thousands of dollars, sorry. Neither the school nor the city has that item for sale.