I Have a Date With Dave This Weekend

This is where we'll be on Saturday! For Christmas, my parents gave me tickets to see Dave live. It really could not have come at a better time because over the past 5 weeks the last thing on my mind has been debt reduction and saving money. I'm still keeping my spending spreadsheet updated, but that's about it. I need to get re-energized.

Pool Boy asked me recently, "This show is, like, 1 hour long, right?" I replied, "Like 1...to 6!" Yes, five solid hours of talking about money. I can't wait to get back and share with you what I learn!

There are still tickets available if you want to join us! How about you? or you? or you?

Tree

Tonight we planted a tree in memory of Dad. It was a gift from my Pool Boy's family. We planted it in the area of our yard where we play our family baseball games. The tree will have to double as second base. Dad would have loved that, don't you think?

Two families need your prayers. I'll call them Family N and Family F. In both situations, a parent is extremely ill after sudden tragedies struck. One person had a stroke and the other one fell down a flight of stairs. My heart breaks thinking of what they may have to deal with.

A Peek Into My World

I’m not an organized person, but I’m always writing myself notes with important information that I need to remember. I always have a list on my desk at work to keep myself on task and so that I don’t forget anything. I have a datebook full of our activites and to-do lists. And sometimes I run across a piece of valuable information that I don’t want to forget, so I grab a piece of paper and write it down.

While rummaging around on my desk yesterday at work, I found the following note that I had written myself one day.

BAD!
Baked goods
White breads
Pasta
Snacks
Candy
Heavy pop

GOOD!
Vegetables
Fruits
Beans
Peanuts
Whole grains

I can’t explain some of the things that go on in my head sometimes. I really can’t.

This Ain't The Brady's Alice

We're kind of nerdy here at the green3 household. We're plugged in, networked, wireless, wii'd, you name it. So it's no surprise that I'm all over Alice. Hmm, maybe poor wording there.

For those of you who have jumped on the Randy Pausch bandwagon with me, you've probably heard of Alice. (Or if you are not nerdy like me, maybe you missed that part of his lecture.) Pausch was a member of a virtual reality team that designed the Alice program. This program teaches kids and adults about computer programming, without them even realizing it. Pausch is a professor at Carnegie Mellon, and they have generously offered this program free to anyone who wants to use it. It can be for your person use or for classroom use.

There are currently two version available: Alice and Storytelling Alice. We've downloaded the regular Alice, even though it was designed for high school and college students. Three LOVES it. He creates his own little virtual reality videos using this program. I think he made three videos just tonight. And the best part is that he is able to do it himself!

I'll definitely be downloading Storytelling Alice, which is designed for Middle School students and might keep his attention better.

Alice gets high marks from the me and Three!

One Month Ago Today

Unbelievable...

Miss you.

Sunday Good and Bad

The good: Pool Boy got our pool opened today.

The bad: Back pain kept me on the couch all day, the first nice day of the season.

Famous

Some of you are new here, so you may not know that I was once famous.

Ok, so maybe it was only for my dryer sheet tip but hey, I'll take it wherever I can get it. I mean, MSN MONEY, people! How many of you have been mentioned on MSN Money?

When this happened, I excitedly emailed my family and told them to LOOK AT ME. I'll never forget my dad's response:

"That's great, green3, but I'm waiting for something a bit more substantial than dryer sheets for my 15 minutes of fame."

Budget Busters

Before I get to my Budget Busters, I know many of you are wanting to know how we are doing. Some days are ok. Some days suck. Regardless of which of those days we’re having, it never goes away – not even for a second. So feel free to interpret that as you wish. I wish I had a more “flowery” report, but this gig ain’t easy.

Ok, so Budget Busters. I’ve got a lot of areas where my budget is completely busted. Is busted even a word? Anyway, there are a lot of areas that we we could spend more time focusing on so that we would end up with a larger surplus at the end of the month. Hopefully by writing them down, I’ll be more focused on what needs to be done. Or not.

Budget Buster #1 - Budget
Is it sad that the first Budget Buster is the budget itself? It’s true – I haven’t been following a budget for a few months. I’m still tracking our expenses penny by penny, but I have not sat down with Pool Boy to put together a budget for each month. I know it needs to be done. I know how to do it. I know how to follow it. So watch out May cause I’m all over next month’s budget.

Budget Buster #2 – Grocery Shopping
I actually do very well on groceries – if I’m by myself. If I take anyone else with me, my cart ends up with all kinds of junk in it. Pool Boy is all over “new” products, such as new kinds of chips, as well as convenience-type foods. And the boys prefer all foods high in sugar, carbs, fat and dollars.

Budget Buster #3 – Caffeine
I heart pop. I heart the caffeine in the pop. I spend a lot of money on pop. Hey, at least it’s diet.

cricket noise…

Hmm. I meant to do 4 Budget Busters but I can't come up with another area where I splurge and waste money. I suppose that’s a good sign that I’m on the right track?

Best

"You can't command people to do their best; they can only command that of themselves."

-- Bob Nelson

If you won't get rid of your credit cards, at least do this

If you are still using credit cards, I read an excellent tip tonight on Blueprint’s blog. He suggests you write your credit card balance on your credit card so that you have to look at the balance each time you use it. Brilliant! If I had a credit card, I would absolutely do this. But I don’t. And neither should you.

On another subject, I’ve given myself a project. My way of dealing with my Dad’s death is to step in and deal with the nitty gritty of the ordeal. I’m gathering paperwork, contacting various companies who need to be informed of his death, bombarding my family with emails filled with tons of boring financial information that I’m sure they couldn’t care less about, and that kind of crap. So my self-imposed project is to help all of you get prepared for the inevitable. I’m keeping track of all the information we have needed over the past few weeks. After I get my list put together, I’m going to post it. And then I’m going to mention it several times so that you will feel guilty if you haven’t gotten your family prepared. We’ve been fortunate enough to be able to locate all of Dad’s financial information (we think), but I’ve heard so many people tell me over the past few weeks, “If I died today, my spouse would be screwed!” So, let’s not be screwed, ok?

As for feeling guilty, have you researched your term life insurance yet? The general guideline is to have 8-10 times your annual income. Are you within that range?

Thanks so much for everyone’s support over the past few weeks. I’ve received tons of comments and emails from people I know and from people I’ve never met. I’ve saved each and every one. You’ve helped me get through the past few weeks. Grieving sucks, and that’s all I have to say about that tonight.

March Money

Even with the disasterous month we had and the complete abandonment of any type of money management over the last two weeks of March, we still ended up with a nice balance to send to the line of credit loan.

Amount paid on line of credit loan since January 1 = $4551.82.

Dad was very excited to follow along on my debt-reduction story. He read my blog every single day. Now I have even more ambition to get rid of this debt. I'll make him proud!

Hurts

It's amazing how you can go through the motions, start taking care of business and paperwork, keep busy, and you start to think "Maybe I can do this."

Then, while putting away laundry, it hits you.

I suppose this is one of the "official" steps of grief. Because right now I'm so angry at what we're missing out on. Other kids get to grow up with all their grandparents. Other women get to ask their Dad's advice. Other families get to go on family vacations with the whole family. Other daughters are able to have their father approve of how they are investing their money. Other sons get to have their Dad guide them into being men. Other people get to celebrate their parents' 40th wedding anniversary with one of those silly "card" parties.

We don't get any of that anymore.

This grief crap is definitely day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. The pain is more than anyone should have to bear. It hurts, oh does it hurt.

First Day Back To Work

I don't have a lot of time to write tonight. I'm busy with thank you notes, plus I have to try to get some control over my househould (mostly laundry and dishes). But I wanted to let you know that my first day back to work went just fine. It was very sad walking in there and a few tears were shed, but it went fine. I am fortunate to be surrounded by excellent co-workers who helped ease me back into the routine.

The boys are having another sleepover with Grandma and Uncle Andy tonight since there is no school tomorrow. I think it's therapeutic for all four of them - they have a great time together.

Tomorrow

Thirteen years ago, I walked into my Dad’s business and sat through an interview with him and his business partners. They wanted to see if I had what it took to learn the business. I walked out of the interview with a job and have been working with my Dad ever since.

Tomorrow I go back to work, but without my Dad.

Saying Goodbye

I promise this blog won't turn into a depressing blog about my father's death. Give me a few more posts, then we'll be back to the normal (boring?) discussions of personal finance and how to live debt-free. Dad read my blog daily and was very excited about what I was doing here, so it's only right that I continue it.


Looking back over the past month, there are so many things that were getting us prepared for this. Someone knew what we were going to be facing made sure we were as ready as we could be.


Grandchildren - The Tuesday night before he died, my boys had a sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. Green and 3 made a very special dinner with fancy decorations, all for Grandpa when he arrived home from work that night. They got to work on their NCAA brackets together. Dad told me the next day, "Green spent at least 20 minutes making fun of my bracket!" When I asked Green about it, he said, "Mom - he has GEORGE MASON!"


My Brothers - He loved going to Colorado. I think he secretly wanted to move there. He got to spend his last evening with his sons and they were with him when he died. I can't image how difficult that is for Andy and Luke, but I hope they eventually realize what a gift they've been given. They were there for him when he needed them most. What a blessing.


My Mom - They drove to Colorado, which means they had many hours of discussions which I'm sure Mom will never forget. Even though it may have been random chatting, what a special trip for her to remember. How many people given the opportunity to have so many hours alone with the person they love, during their last full day on earth? I hope she treasures that.


My Grandparents - My Grandma had some health issues just a week or so prior to Dad's death. That seemed horrible at the time, but my Dad was there with them throughout the whole thing. He sat with his Mom and Dad for many hours in the hospital, visiting with them and caring for them. That time together has to be comforting to them. He called them after he arrived in Colorado, so they got to speak with him in his last few hours.


His Brothers - At the same time my Grandma was starting to deal with his health issues, my Dad went to Texas for his annual golf trip with his brothers. He always looked forward to this trip and this year was no different. I think that's awesome they all got to see each other so shortly before he died, even though they live all over the country.


His Friends - Just the Saturday before he died, there was a party that quite a few of his friends attended. As far as I know, they rarely got together like this - especially during the winter. How ironic that they got together at this time.


And Me - I worked with Dad so I got to see him every day. The last day before he left for Colorado, I stopped in his office to say I was leaving for the day. He said, "Well, Goodbye. Have a good Easter."


Most of us got to say goodbye to Dad - we just didn't realize it.

Be Prepared

As horrible as it may sound, please take a moment and think about your own situation and how your family is setup to go on without you or your spouse.

1. Do you have a will? Is it up-to-date? If you have a spouse, of course everything will go to him/her be default. But what if both of you should die? Who will raise your kids? Who will handle your estate? (Those should be two different people, by the way.)

2. Term Life Insurance. I hate to break it to you, but you will die. And if you happen to be the first to go, you will leave people behind who will have bills that need to be paid. Your term life insurance policy should be 8-10 times your annual salary. Having you to deal with the grief will be difficult enough on your family - don't add a financial burden on top of it.

3. Paperwork. Your survivors need to know where everything is and how to access it. Last summer I documented all of our information and put it into a special planning book. Pool Boy knows where this book is. I think I also told someone else, and hopefully they'll remember if the need arises. This book has all bank accounts listed, all investments, all necessary websites, all debts (except we've paid most of them off by now), health insurance policies, life insurance policies, and any logins and passwords that would be needed. If something should happen to one of us, all we have to do it pick up this book and we'll know exactly where everything is.

I've heard many people say, "I don't want to talk about those things. It's too morbid." That's pure selfishness - don't do that to your family. It can happen to any of you at any time.

Thursday Night

Wow, what a crowd at the visitation. It just shows what an amazing person Dad was. Here is what Pool Boy said on the way home, which sums it up perfectly:

"I think people stuck around a long time tonight because your Dad always made sure all of his friends and relatives knew each other. He truly liked everyone and always made people feel welcome. So when people came tonight, they all felt like hanging out with each other."

Thanks to everyone who attended the visitation tonight. Even through the horror of the past week, we felt truly blessed tonight. Surrounded by so many family and friends, getting hundreds of hugs, having wonderful conversations with so many people we love - awesome. Thank you for that.

Dad's Last Pictures

These pictures were taken the morning Dad died. They were skiing at Winter Park, Colorado, on Friday, March 21.

Luke, Mom, Dad, Andy

Andy, Dad, Luke on the ski lift. Mom said they were making fun of his hat that morning. "What? This isn't how I'm supposed to be wearing it?"

Dad and Andy

Dad, Luke, Andy, Mom

Wednesday Afternoon

My god, the days drag on.

Two of my dad's brothers and their wives arrived from Houston today. The family will be trickling in from now until Friday. It's hard to see each of them for the first time, especially Dad's siblings.

Luke, Andy and Emily went to each lunch with the boys today school. They ate with each boy, which means they had two Pigs in a Blanket. Luke said he hasn't had a hot dog for years, and probably never will again! I'm so thankful that they did that for Green and Three. That will be a treasured memory for those boys.

I'm still not on a computer that has the pictures of my dad and family from last Friday morning right before he died. Those are treasures. As soon as I get them, I will post them here. He was so happy.

I owe so many thanks to so many people. I've counted on friends, family and co-workers for so many things over the past few days. People have watched my boys, driven me to my parents' house, looked up phone numbers and websites, brought various things to my house for me, and on and on. Having people around you during a time like this makes a world of difference.

Monday Night

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by to read my story about Dad. There were so many of you who were here today - almost 200 readers. It really helps to know that people out there care about me, my family, and most importantly, my dad.

We are hurting more than we ever dreamed possible.

Today was odd. I stopped by his office (which is also my office) to get some pictures from his desk. That was horrible, as those of who you witnessed it know. I'm glad I went, though.

After that visit, I didn't cry again today. I'm feeling a little guilty about that, but I also know that nothing is "normal". It all sucks, and whatever we do is the right thing.

As I told a co-worker today, my mom and I are really interested to hear how people found out about Dad's death. It sounds so wrong and morbid, but for some reason it comforts us. If you are so inclined, you can send me an email privately at thegreen3@gmail.com. And if it's a personal thing for you and you'd rather not share, I totally get that.

I hope to write down exactly what happened and share it with all of you. Mostly because my dad hated rumors and would want the truth to be known. Secondly, I need to document it for our family. The story and the months/weeks leading up to his death are truly amazing.

Loving you and missing you, Dad.
green3